


The Fireplace

by CelestiaKnight



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, In Which Rin Burns A Lot, Manga Spoilers, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24181033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestiaKnight/pseuds/CelestiaKnight
Summary: Rin had never been afraid of fire. He didn’t love fire particularly, but he never saw a threat in it. Fire was, in his eyes, a source of warmth and comfort when all else was cold.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	The Fireplace

Rin had never been afraid of fire.

Growing up, he was the kind of kid who would set his marshmallows on fire and laugh, or show his brother cool tricks like quickly flicking his finger through a candle without getting burned. When he was cold, he loved to roll up in a blanket next to the fireplace and doze off, staring at the warm flames.

He didn’t love fire particularly, but he never saw a threat in it. Fire was, in his eyes, a source of warmth and comfort when all else was cold.

Everything changed in that alleyway. He had feared for his life, at first because of the glint of the knife angled at his forehead, then because of that flame. It danced in his palm, just like the flame in the fireplace, not comfortingly orange and warm, but blue and cold to the gaze. That flame had tried to be comforting in this instance, but it had failed, and in it saving him brought only ruin. In its cold hue, he had lost his home, his humanity, and his only father.

It was only later, when he had been sitting alone with his thoughts, that his flame did try harder. It appeared in his palm again, and at first he had scorned its presence, refusing to allow it entry into his life. But it grew warmer against his skin, and in its slow dance, he saw a glimpse of the fireplace again. He had rolled up, and stared at the fireplace in his hand until he dozed off…

Over time, it grew warmer, and he trusted it more. After all, it wasn’t Satan’s flame anymore, it was his. He wasn’t Satan, he was Rin Okumura. His flame grew warmer and warmer, until it grew too hot to handle... Everyone else saw it, and they saw it for what it was growing into; a raging volcano. At that moment, Rin only had one intense desire, and he had lost himself in it. He had lost someone dear to him already; he wouldn’t lose anyone else. Shiemi was in danger, Shima was down, Koneko’s arm was broken, Suguro was choking. He wouldn’t lose anyone else again. And in that moment, his flame was a beacon of light, a weapon that he could use to protect others, to repay them for their kindness with an act of kindness of his own. His consciousness was engulfed in that light, in that hope that he could save them, and he knew he had saved them. But they had seen it for what it was, and had seen him for what he was. The hottest cold flame, a demon in human’s clothing.

That night, in the silence that followed the waking of the volcano, his flame had shown itself in his palm again. It flickered, amused, and danced on his fingers. _We saved our friends. We showed Amaimon. We burned the entire forest. We enjoyed it._ And in the truth of those whispers, he found horror, and scorned his flame once more. That flame was untamed, as beautiful as it tried to appear, and he would put a leash on it. He was the master of his body, and it would listen.

The flame did not agree with this choice, and in his attempts to tame it, it grew too hot one more time. This time, however, he felt it all, for he was crashing head first into it. That flame, it had a mind of its own! He could feel every strand of fire, every spark as it spread through his insides, through his skin, and coiled around his own mind, forcing its voice to be heard. It had been repressed for too long, but Rin still refused its freedom. It couldn’t be let free. It couldn’t go without a master to hold it down.

_Blue flames can kill people._

He had suppressed it unconsciously for fifteen years, he could keep doing it now. He forced his will onto his flame, and it obeyed.

And for a while, he thought he had succeeded. Using his friends’ belief and trust as his anchor, he proved he wasn’t a threat, he showed that his flame, if held down, could be a comforting fireplace again. Everyone accepted it, complimented it, saw what it could do under his command. But Yukio wouldn’t accept it… He never would. But Rin continued holding it down, confident in his ability to control it. They trusted his flame, he found comfort in it once more, so why wouldn’t Yukio? Could he not feel the warmth it gave? Or was he afraid he would melt from it? But still he let it grow bigger and bigger, he could hold it down, he could show his brother he could protect everyone, that he could become an Exorcist. As Satan’s son.

_Why are you so hesitant about this? Who’s the wimpy one now?!_

That night, his flame appeared again. In the darkness of the dorm’s empty corridors, the light it cast was a comfort to him, and he stared at the fireplace once more… not noticing how jittery it had become. It sparked and flickered wildly, making all the shadows dance with it, and completely engulfed his hand. For a brief moment, it appeared… angry. And his fear and unease grew.

From the start, he had known. He had known it was just a matter of time before it happened. Before someone, or something, unleashed everything he had worked so hard to suppress and control. Before his flame found the key to its cage. In the dark of night, during sleepless nights, he had quietly imagined… what would happen if it was set free? Would it rage out of control like in the forest, or would he unite with something that belonged to him this whole time?

When no one could see him, he would bring his sword - his heart - to his ear and listen. Badump. Badump. Badump. Those sounds were like the gentle crackling of the fireplace, they went hand in hand with the flame in his palm.

But never could he have imagined how painful they would together be. That night, up on that bridge, all it took were three bullets. The first, through the head. Right through all of his beliefs, all he thought he knew and thought was right. The second, through his throat. Tearing through what words he had always wanted to say but never could, through what truths he couldn’t admit even to himself. The third, through his chest. Consuming what he had kept of his humanity, the lies he had held as comforting truths. As he laid there staring at the night sky, unable to comprehend the deep pain he felt, his flame flickered behind his eyelids. The only truth he had was that. He had used it as a weapon to save others this whole time. One more. One more person.

The flame cackled. Kurikara broke. And Hell broke loose.

At first, it was a throbbing sensation. Like drums of war echoing from deep inside him, badump, badump, badump, faster and louder. The cage that held it had melted away, and he crashed head first into it, only this time, there was no coming back. A sea of flames engulfed him, and this time _it_ was the master. His heart throbbed and screamed as it wriggled and tore and burned its way through his being, his flame wasn’t in his palm no more, but it had consumed him. It cackled and laughed as it revelled in its victory, and Rin could do nothing to stop it. It was his due punishment, for believing lies, lies he told himself, for not noticing sooner, for walking with his eyes closed for too long. He had fallen down the hill, and his demon heart waited at the bottom, happily waiting for him. This time, the pain of the fall was unreal. As it coiled around his mind, crushing him beneath a mountain of repressed heat and frustrations, it wrapped around his body, this human body that had held it prisoner for so long. This body would be reborn, it would belong to it now. It fell apart, his limbs no longer able to feel, his screams becoming nothing short of gurgled gasps for breath as he burned inside out. He grew blind to the cold blue, he grew deaf to those calling his name, he melted away.

And during all of this, he could see himself, and Yukio, sitting in front of that fireplace. Dozing off together.

What a shame that it took him this long to notice his brother had been there too. What a shame, for now he was ashes and embers, and he had fallen.

A flame danced on his chest. It flickered, gently, like a warm fireplace.


End file.
